Bad Chemistry: Alcohol and Drug Usage

If you were born in or grew up in the USA, you probably grew op on the Just Say No program. You saw the egg commercials and watched a crazed young girl smash her kitchen with a frying pan. Maybe your parents enrolled you into a D.A.R.E program. They are fine when you are living at home. It is relatively easy to stay drug free in high school. Your parents were always around to discipline you. It raised the risk of getting caught. In high school, there are many adults in your life to keep you safe. However, these messages rarely stick with you once you are in college. There is nobody to get on your case and discipline you. The Just Say No and D.A.R.E programs' effects wear off because they demonize drugs and alcohol so much that they inadvertently glamorize them. This is because it focuses on the physical consequences of drug abuse. It also uses stigma, shame and dramatic scare tactics. What these programs lack is information about the spiritual and emotional consequences of abusing alcohol and drugs. These programs fail to address the cause of experimenting with chemicals: depression. I will use some of my own experiences with my struggles with drugs and alcohol to hopefully prevent others from making the same mistakes as I did.

Starting your first year in a university is a very stressful time in your life. You are away from everything that is familiar to you. All your high school friends are separated. You all may grow apart. This may be the first time you are on your own without your parents around you. Perhaps you broke up with your high school sweetheart due to the distance. Perhaps you have an ill parent, or a grandparent has died. These are huge life changing events. They may take you completely off guard and derail you. If you don't have a strong support system, you are at high risk for depression.

When I transferred to a dorm campus during my sophomore year, I had many of those things happen to me. I didn't really have anything in common with anybody around me. They seemed to be from another planet and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't relate to them. Being a shy and self-conscious person by nature, I had a hard time opening up and approaching people. I was thrilled when my floor mates invited me to go to a fraternity party with them. It made me feel accepted at last! However, when I got to the fraternity party, I stood in the corner and watched everybody else have fun. I thought about my high school sweetie that I had broken up with. I thought about my father's bad health. The more the party went on, the more depressed and self-pitying I felt. I watched the other students line up at the keg, and thought, "Why not? A beer or two can't hurt. Maybe it will help me loosen up and quit being so uptight." I filled up the cup and took a drink. And I never stopped.

I came from a long line of addicts. My father was addicted to cocaine and alcohol. Both of my grandmothers had problems with pills. Both of my grandfathers were alcoholics. I was raised on D.A.R.E and Just Say No. I knew that I was at high risk for addiction. However, I felt so rotten and down that I really didn't know what else to do to make myself feel better. So I drank just about every weekend to drown out the pain I felt during the week. I went to the counseling center on campus and was given Valium, which I quickly was addicted to. I ended up lying to my doctor to tell him that I was out. He upgraded me to Xanax, then Klonopin, and then Halcion. I kept them in a candy dish. I would trade those pills with other people who had barbiturates and who knows what else! I could have had XTC for all I knew or cared.

Eventually I was drinking every day. I would grab whatever pills I scooped up in my hands and chase them down with Scotch. I flunked out of school. How I went from a 3.25 to a 1.6 is beyond me. I tried to kill myself with everything in my candy dish washed down with a bottle of wine. I went into cardiac arrest and woke up in a hospital bed. I checked myself into rehab because I knew I had a huge problem with drugs. The staff was very warm and gentle, and I think way too easy on me. After I checked out, I moved in with my father to take care of him.

I went through seven more years of drugs, alcohol and rehab. I had horrible jobs, horrible relationships and overdoses. I just wanted to get rid of the pain, the guilt, and all the negative feelings. During my trip to Australia, a nice girl named Diana Isley told me about the Bahá'í faith. She only gave me a general description about it. I was rather cynical about religion back then, so I just blew it off. However, she planted the seed in my head that would later save my life.

Sick of the cycles of addiction, I looked up Bahá'í on the Internet to do some research about it. I found it to be a kind, gentle religion that accepted everybody. When I saw that drugs and alcohol were forbidden, I was relieved. It gave me a reason to quit for good. If I had a law forbidding me to do something, then it made it so much easier to stop.

Of course, I went through my anger period of recovery. I blamed my parents. I blamed the doctor who gave me those pills too liberally. I was not a pleasant person to be around at all. For the first time in nine years, I actually had to feel all the emotions that the drugs and alcohol covered up. I relapsed quite a few times until I met some Bahá'ís who became my close friends. They told me that I am not a bad person for having problems with addiction. It was a test. It also gave me the ability to pick up where the anti-drug programs left off.

Bahá'u'lláh says that it is forbidden to take drugs or alcohol unless you are under supervision from a qualified physician. Addiction is all about self-medication. It is your own feeble attempt to treat a very serious illness. Using drugs and alcohol to treat your own depression is the same as trying to set your own leg when you break it. You wouldn't go grab your mother's spool of thread and a needle to sew up a cut on your skin (at least I hope you wouldn't!), so why should you grab a can of beer or a joint to treat your depression? Bahá'u'lláh is right when he says that drugs causes madness. I went through madness like you would never believe when I was on the drugs and alcohol.

If you are feeling lost, depressed and frightened, do NOT keep that bottled up inside. Talk to your close friends. Call your parents to tell them how you are feeling. If there is a Bahá'í organization in your university, hang out with them. Read the scriptures and pray. For extra protection, buy a Bahá'í ring and necklace charm. You will be a lot less tempted to drink if you have those on because you'll think about how that would make The Faith look if you make a drunken fool of yourself. My ring and necklace keep me out of trouble. If I have them on, then I back away from the chemicals. If you notice your friend is feeling depressed or is experimenting with drugs, don't act judgmental and self-righteous. Offer your friend your love and support. Hang out with your friend so that s/he can stay away from the crowds that are into chemical abuse. Remember as Bahá'ís, you are to be loving and must do your best to help others.

Remember to hold on to your faith. If you stick with it, it will keep you out of trouble. Think about Bahá'u'lláh, Abdul Baha and Shoghi Effendi. They're on your team! They love us so much that they went through all kinds of trials to bring you the word of God. It took me nine years to get even some control back in my life. This passage makes me think before I pick up a drink "O Son of Utterance!
Turn thy face unto Mine and renounce all save me; for my sovereignty endureth and My dominion perisheth not. If thou seekest another than Me, yea, if though searchest the universe forever more, thy quest will be in vain."

Believe me, Bahá'u'lláh knows what He is talking about when He told us that mind altering substances are to be avoided. He didn't just decided to forbid drugs and alcohol to be pushy and ruin your fun. They can cause you trouble you never dreamed you would find yourself in. If you think things look bad now, with drugs and alcohol, they will get worse. I looked to drugs and alcohol for peace and ended up with the worst turmoil that can be thrown at me. If it wasn't for my Bahá'í friends and Bahá'u'lláh, I may not have ever recovered. Stick to the Faith. Pray and read the scriptures. Surround yourself with positive people. The better you feel about yourself, the less likely you will even have the urge to drink or experiment with drugs.

(all content Copyright National Spiritual Assembly of the Baha'is of the United States, 2000-2003, do not use without permission)